#1 Priority – Get Perspective
You are on a hunt to learn how to catch a cheater. You want to know the signs. But the signs may already be there and missed, because love often blinds people’s perception of reality. Denial is a common response when the first sign appears.
It is important to ask how you will interpret those signs. Basic trust in another person never presumes the worst about them. Giving them the benefit of the doubt is natural and normal, and you would hope they are deserving of it. The sad part of this is that the cheater has planned their strategy long before you became vaguely suspicious. They take advantage of the basic trust. The cheater has no intention of honoring any promise made over the course of the relationship because in their mind they have already moved on. It is just a question of when.
Have a plan
It is important to keep focused. Mr. or Ms. Third Party are simply a piece of the puzzle that was being put together long before they even knew the cheater existed. They may or may not know the cheater is already in a relationship, but that really does not matter. Regardless of how you may feel, no one can take the cheater away from you because the cheater has already mentally submitted his or her resignation. If it is not this person, it will be someone else.
In your plan on how to catch a cheater, the first thing you must do is to resign yourself to a warlike mentality where there will be one winner – you. For the time being, limit your trust to the small number of people you trust the most. As difficult as it may be, you need to act as normally as possible in your existing situation. It is necessary if you want to win.
Another winning action that may be equally difficult to do is to be objective. You have to not only recognize the signs, but also make sure there is evidence to connect to the signs. If your significant other takes a shower immediately after coming home from work on a hot, humid day, that is not evidence of cheating. The suspicion may be that they are washing off the smell of another person’s bodily fluids, but in this case it is a stretch to say this is evidence.
Signs of lying
An important part of the war is knowing how to catch a liar. An old adage says that the eyes are the window to the soul. Looking into the cheater’s eyes is one of the best, non-confrontational ways to gather evidence regarding the situation. Looking away is almost always a bad sign. Avoiding a question or changing the subject is worse. But use this tactic carefully to minimize suspicion.
Other signs of lying
Walking out of the room during a discussion
Making up lame excuses that, at first, sound plausible
Ending phone conversations abruptly when raising sensitive issues
Remember that most of the evidence you gather will be based on your heart’s judgment. This can be very tricky, which is why it is best to be sure before classifying anything as evidence. But you also have to use your head and think.
What to watch for
The signs of a cheater are more obvious than you first imagined. If you have a plan and keep things as normal as possible, the cheater will think you are unaware of what is going on.
Seven signs to consider
- Unexplained withdrawals from bank accounts – Unaccounted money is a red flag, but be sure to account for even the small amounts.
- Unknown receipts from restaurants, bars, clubs, hotels, or recreational places
- Keeping unusual working hours – Working late does happen, but if you have been together long enough you should know the days and times they are most likely to work late.
- A significant increase or decrease in sexual interest
- Changes in physical appearance – If they have not paid much attention to how they look for you, then start spending more time in front of the mirror.
- Cell phones are an important place to look – It is likely they will text the other person at some time. If the phone is locked and you do not have the password, that is a piece of evidence which strongly suggests something is necessary to hide.
- Decreased communication – Communication is at the heart of a successful relationship, and ignoring or glossing over problems, especially important ones, is a huge red flag that shows they have no interest in moving forward.
Becoming aware of one or more of these signs is not proof of cheating. You have to take each action and put it in the proper perspective of your relationship. You know their habits. That is why having a plan and keeping things as normal as possible until you come to a conclusion is critical.
How to catch a cheater online
The biggest problem when dealing with online cheating is the Internet itself. It is one place where someone can hide their true identity, making it very difficult to know how to catch a cheater online. Dating sites, chat rooms, message boards and instant messaging are key tools for cheaters to hide their actions from almost everyone except the one they are cheating with.
The obvious place to check is their e-mail, if you have access. If not, there are devices known as keyloggers that record every keystroke typed on a computer keyboard. Similar technology is also available as software. Using this, you will be able to see every web site that the person has gone to along with specific web pages visited. Think of it as recording their entire online history.
Cheaters who think they are operating under the radar will likely make an obvious mistake that is indefensible. At that point, you need to decide how you will win the war.